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3 minutes reading time (654 words)

Snow White, the Werewolf Stepmother and the Seven (A Little Too) Perfect Elves

Fiction

Erik

Friday, 20 February 2026

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Once upon a time, in a kingdom where the chickens laid golden eggs and the jester gave tax advice, there was a princess with skin as white as snow, lips as red as a stop sign, and hair so black that even a crow said, "Oh, that's dark."
Her name was, of course, Snow White. Her real mother had disappeared (a classic fairy tale rule), and her father had remarried a woman who seemed sweet on paper, but in reality, ate furniture every full moon.

Her name was Lycanthra the Beautiful.
By day: elegant, chic, Instagram-perfect.
By night: a gigantic werewolf who got hungry from IKEA wood and court servants.

Lycanthra had a magic mirror. Not one of those silent mirrors, but one that always commented.

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?" she asked every morning.

The mirror sighed.
"Today? You. But you really need to do something about those eyebrows."

One day, however, the mirror said:
"Sorry Lycanthra, but Snow White is prettier now. And she has a better skincare routine."

Lycanthra completely freaked out. She threw a candlestick at the mirror, but it only returned a receipt.

"SHE MUST GO!" she cried. "And I want her room. She has a bigger balcony."

Snow White fled into the forest, where, after three minutes of getting lost, she immediately stumbled upon an elf doing yoga on a mushroom.

She discovered a cottage where seven elves lived. They weren't the tough, mysterious elves in the movies. No, these were… very elfin:

Titania – The fairy queen in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream
Mab – Queen Mab, the midwife of dreams from English folklore (and mentioned by Shakespeare and Shelley)
Puck – Although often masculine, some older traditions and retellings have female variants or counterparts named Puck or Pooka
Nuala – A delicate Irish fairy name meaning "white shoulders" but suffering from hay fever
Siofra – An Irish fairy name literally meaning "fairy" or "elf" but suffering from a fear of heights
Aine – Irish fairy queen and goddess of love, summer, and sovereignty
Fand – A beautiful sea fairy queen from Irish mythology, wife of the sea god Manannán mac Lir

They let Snow White stay, but immediately gave her a contract with 48 house rules.
Rule 17: No singing after 10 PM, unless dueting with an owl.

Lycanthra found her, of course. Disguised as an old lady with fake glasses (because no one recognizes someone with fake glasses), she sold Snow White an apple.

"It's organic, gluten-free, and emotionally supportive," she said.

Snow White took a bite… and fell asleep.
Not dead, not poisoned—she just went into an extremely deep power nap.

The elves tried to wake her with:

- elven dances
- motivational speeches
- and one motivational dance
Nothing worked.

Then the werewolf queen arrived, howling under the full moon.
Nuala pulled out her magic wand… and started sneezing.

Siofra flew up… and asked if someone would hold her.
Mab threw a star-shaped metal pan at the queen, who said,
"Thanks, I was looking for another pan."

Snow White woke up to the noise, saw a gigantic werewolf, and said,
"Oh, Stepmother Lycanthra. It's you."

Lycanthra was so embarrassed that she accidentally turned human again.

And They Lived More or Less Happily.
Snow White became queen and introduced new laws:

- Everyone gets free cake on Wednesdays.
- The mirror is only allowed to give compliments.
- Werewolves are no longer allowed to bite furniture.

The seven elves were given official titles such as:
"Head of Forest Logistics" and "Minister of Unnecessary Magic."

And Lycanthra? She received a spa membership and a calendar to track her full moons.

Moral of the story:
Be kind to your stepmothers.
Don't take apples from strangers.

And never trust a mirror with an attitude.