But there was a problem. Her biggest rival was Heidi from Tyrol, known for her yodels that could break glass and her accordion that even made mountains dance.
Little Red Riding Hood had to go to the festival in the faraway kingdom of Euro Valley, so she took the Royal Fairy Tale Train.
On board was a very diverse group of passengers:
- The Seven Elves (who argued over who got to sit by the window).
- The Big Bad Wolf, who had signed up as her guitarist and ate tofu sandwiches on the train "because he was on a diet."
- And a dragon with a fear of flying, who preferred the train to flying.
Little Red Riding Hood sat in the quiet compartment and began to practice. Unfortunately, the train conductor thought she was doing karaoke and gave her a scoreboard with "6 points – could do better."
Suddenly, Heidi boarded, complete with dirndl*, accordion, and three goats.
The goats had reserved seats, which infuriated the elves, who had only been given a stack of crates.
Heidi began practicing yodeling.
The train spontaneously sped up because the driver thought it was a distress signal.
Upon arrival, they were greeted by King Arthur, who was the host this year because his round table was in a podcast and he had nothing better to do.
Arthur wore a glittery cloak, held a microphone, and said:
"Welcome to the Fairy Tale Song Contest! Whoever wins gets a golden sword… which is actually a microphone, but marketing thought it sounded cooler."
Heidi performed first.
She yodeled so loudly that three clouds applauded and a mountain collapsed with enthusiasm. Her goats provided backing vocals, and one goat even did a rap break.
Then it was Little Red Riding Hood's turn.
She sang a pop song with the Wolf on electric guitar and the Elves on drums (although they all played the same drum).
Her song was called "Don't Call Me Granny (I'm a Star)."
King Arthur danced with Excalibur, but accidentally knocked over the scoreboard.
After a lengthy vote (where the dragon jury paid particular attention to fire-breathing choreography), the results were:
- Heidi received 12 points from the Alps.
- Little Red Riding Hood received 12 points from the Forest.
- King Arthur gave himself 12 points "for charisma."
It ended in a tie, so they decided to win together and sing a duet.
The audience was so moved that the train spontaneously announced a comeback tour.
Little Red Riding Hood became a pop star, Heidi an alpine DJ, and King Arthur started a talent show: "Britain's Got Dragons."
And the train conductor?
He started a career as a music judge and gave everyone a standard 6/10—out of nostalgia.
*A dirndl is a traditional Bavarian/Austrian costume based on a blend of traditional dress and servant attire from the 1870s.
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